


The Rockwell Horrorterror Motion Picture Cavalcade

by Broba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, Musicals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-31 12:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So there I was, on Halloween, and I thought- I ought to write something for the occasion. But what? And then an idea came to me, a mad, awful, crazy idea that couldn't possibly work.</p>
<p>Writing the music was tricky! I assure you the songs are all perfectly sing-able.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.....  
  
And across the backroads and ditches upstate the going was rough. There was no moon to provide even the most cursory light and on this particular night the rain lashed viciously and the thunder wasn't rolling to save. A battered station wagon wound carefully along unfamiliar roads, struggling against the night.  
  
"It's not even around here," moaned Jade, "we're lost so let's just pull over and have a look at the map at least?"  
"Not even a little bit!" Announced John with a lot more confidence in his voice then his guts. He chomped down hard around the stem of his pipe and peered through the windshield into the teeth of a gale. There was nothing, nothing! And then suddenly there was something, and John hit it.  
  
The car bounced over the verge of the road and over a particularly unfortuitous rock which shredded a tyre. That made up their minds for them- the car was going nowhere. John got out and, holding a newspaper over his head as some protection, examined the situation.  
  
"No good!" He yelled into the car, "I can't even see my hand in front of my face! We might end up sleeping right here."  
"Oh John, we couldn't I'd simply die!" Jade simpered and petter her hair into place, the thoguh made her just shudder.  
  
Across the fields a crack of lightning burned the sky, and in an instant there was limned in alight a large boxy shape, definately a building. A fair walk away but not too far, and perhaps the only shelter for miles around. They looked at each other and had the same thought at once.  
  
Closer in, the building was a mansion in the late colonial style, not the motel or gas-stop they had hoped for, but lights burned within and it was far better then the alternative which was nothing. John strode manfully up to the door and rapped, while Jade hugged her sodden sundress around herself and tried to huddle within her blouse. John gave her a comforting smile and nodded. His pipe had long since gone out but he wouldn't be seen without it.  
  
The door was opened from within, making a terrible moaning creaking sound, and they were confronted by quite an apparition. At first John thought he was the butt of some kind of a joke. The man was hunched over, barely reaching John's shoulder, he wore a shabby outdated formal suit and tails, and his hands- upon which he wore fingerless gloves in filthy green wool on the right hand, yellow on the left- were constantly working, flexing, clapping and tapping together as he stood there staring up at them blankly. He had a tiny pair of pince-nex glasses perched on his nose, with oddly mismatched lenses- one blue, one red. What shocked John though was the alarming grey pallor, and the small but sharp looking set of horns- with, he noticed, another smalled set just in front of them.  
  
"Yeth, thir? Madam?" It thusly spake, "Can I be of... ath-ith-tanth, on thith thorry eve?"  
"Well yeth," began John without thinking, before he corrected himself, "Yes! Do you have a phone? Ah, you see my wife and I were driving out there and wouldn't you know? We seem to have thrown a tire!" He tried to laugh a little, but all humour was lost on the manservant, who just nodded gravely and took a step back, inviting them in with an imperious sweep of his arm.  
  
Jade clasped John's arm and shook her head, but he patter her hand, griped his pipe between his teeth, and drew her with him across the threshold. The entrance hall was certainly... gothic. Everything was either carved and engraved wood, veneered to blackness, or else polished brasses and gleaming glass ornamentation. The place was gloomy though, lit by real candle chandeliers- had they never heard of the electric light!  
  
"Listen my man," began John as he intended to go on, "I really do need to get to a phone and see about a repair service. Do you have a phone here?" No answer. The man just kept shuffling down the corridor, they were obliged to follow just to be heard. "See here!" Called John, "are you listening to me man? Are you?"  
"Captor!" The servant called back at them, swivelling suddenly like a rotary gargoyle. Both John and Jade took a step back involuntarily. He saw that he had shocked the visitors. "My name, thur and mith. Captor."  
"I.... see..." began John, "and, a phone?"  
"Thith way, pleath."  
  
An ornate archway and a set of steps led down, and from there a massive set of oak doors were pushed open and suddenly all was light and sound. John could have sworn the place had been as quiet as the grave and suddenly he was in a massive hall filled with people. Tailcoats and spats everywhere, masks and feathers and beads, a huge party was unfolding in the open space and at the far end a stage complete with curtains dominated the room. Jade clasped John tightly, the dancing was becoming raucous and more then a little vulgar in places, she was feeling vulnerable and more then a little frightened. John held her and stared in naked curiosity and surprise at the things going on. His glasses flashed in the bright lights and he muttered, "Oh my."  
  
Jade felt a hand snake around her free arm and she was expertly tugged aside with a squeak. A female of some description held onto her and Jade didn't really know what to think about it. She had a top hat covered in gold sequins and vivid red fishnet stockings, needless to say her tailcoat and leotard revealed more then it concealed, and Jade found her enormous grin and scarlet glasses intimidating.  
"Darling!" The creature crooned. She was pale, grey like Captor, "you're simply soaked! It's unfair, an injustice, none of these big brutes even offered you a towel? Come dear, let Terezi take such care of you!"  
  
Jade suddenly found herself squirrelled away and gave out a terrified squeak. John tried to reach her but the crowd seemed to take the most inconvenient moment to flow in his direction, every time he tried to press forward he was bumping into some stranger's back or staring into a grinning feathered mask. "See here!" He cried out, "Now wait just a moment I-" it was no good, they were not listening, he wondered if half of them were even Americans.  
  
Behind the great doors of the hall, and unseen by the occupants, an old fashioned and ramshackle elevator descended for the very attic of the house toward the ground floor. John was spun around and found a drink- some manner of cocktail- pushed into his hand by Captor,  
"Oh, thank you no, I never drink," but that too was no good, the dratted butler was gone. John found himself in the middle of a widening circle of people, he was acutely aware of being very alone in this hall packed with revellers. The elevator reached ground floor and opened. At that moment the great clock set in the wall above the stage began tolling midnight, with a low sonorous noise like an iron bell with a velvet clapper. Hush descended on the hall as the tolls rang, one at a time and entirely in order.  
  
Behind John, a caped figure emerged from the elevator and strode into the hall, stacked platform heels striking expertly in time to the clock.  
  
John was starting to feel some kind of a panic. "Alright you've all had your fun, ha ha ha! I'm sure it's all a great big laugh, I like a trick or two myself you know, but I want my wife and I want a phone!"  
  
John suddenly felt the cocktail glass in his hand plucked free as an apparition in black silk slid past him, the glass was drained and tossed casually away in one effortless quick motion, sparkling fingerless arm-gloves catching the light in shades of muted green and blue. Grey fingers surmounted by wicked talons raised up high into the air and- snap!  
  
"You're quite a demanding.... man!" The voice was like cut crystal, piping, British and superior. He pronounced "demanding" with seven syllables. The crowd were watching, rapt and silent. The figure turned and regarded John. "I'll have to do all that I... can. To see you safely to your des-tin-ation."  
  
John felt his jaw go slack. The man had an array of jagged black hair like a dark halo, and from within rounded yellowish-orange horns protruded a little way. His lips were stained by the reddest, most bloody lipstick John had ever seen, and he was wearing enough eyeliner to make his eyes vivid shining yellow orbs that transfixed John. All he could manage was, "Uh,"  
  
"I'll... be here for you, I'll... do things for you. I'll see if I can work some con-ju-ration," he grinned, a wide sharp-toothed sneer. "I'll help you... walk on by. You look a..." he paused, "...groovy guy. Don't come at me with con..." The crowd drew a breath, he stepped closer, "...fron..." a grey finger pressed against John's chest for a moment, an awkward, tense silence broken by a whisper, "...tation."  
  
John didn't know quite what to say. He swallowed thickly and nearly bit through his pipe. "That's very decent of you mister... ah...."  
  
The crowd erupted, as if on cue. The man span around and hurled his cape off with a twirl, revealing an incredibly revealing panties and corset combination with sequins, pearls and not much room for anything else. He fell back and was born aloft by the crowd, crowing down to John along with the music- John couldn't remember all of a sudden if it had been there all along.  
  
 _I'm glad you show me  
that you'd like to know me!  
And maybe all these lovely friends of mine!  
  
You've been asking lots of questions!  
And to answer all your best ones...  
I'm just a trans-sexy Frankenstein!  
  
You see I've got a lab,  
and up there on the slab,  
I'm built myself someone I'd like to mention.  
  
He's all tanned and blonde,  
and he likes to sing a song,  
when I need someone to.... help my tension.  
  
My name is Doctor Karkat,  
if you get lost then you'll find that,  
My man is just too pleased to be your minder.  
  
So come up to my world!  
And, well, why not bring your girl.  
That is, of course, if you can only... find her._  
  
Karkat, for it was he, strode manfully past John, his heels gave him a swaying, arrogant gait that did things in combination with those panties that John didn't want to think about. Karkat twirled into the elevator and rammed the iron-grille door closed, staring at him.  
  
"Come on up and find the proof," he intoned, "there's sloppy makeouts on the roof. And if you're lucky..." the elevator juddered into life and worked upwards, "....some kind of rev-el-ation!"  
  
The elevator shuddered upward to the tune of maniacal laughter from the guests, John was caught up in a swirl of silk and the lights pressed in on him. He remembered drinking something he had been passed without thinking about it, but after that it all became a blur. He collapsed in a heap and he didn't have to think about anything after that.


	2. Chapter 2

Jade found herself tugged, pushed and shoved through the crowd all the way to the stage, and behind the curtain into the sepulchral twilight world that exists behind the wings of every theatre. She had a fleeting impression of ropes, stage elements, costumery before a door opened and she was pushed through. Jade was about to complain vociferously about this until she had a chance to look around her and fell silent in surprise.  
  
Sequins, satin, feathers everywhere- masks, dresses, sparkling things to adorn every part of the body. She was in some kind of a dressing room and clothing was everywhere. She found it impossible to judge the size of the place because mirrors were everywhere, in between massed jumbles and racks of clothing.  
  
"Where am I?" She blurted out to no-one, "I don't like this!"  
  
There was a rustling and a scurrying, and Terezi burst out of a nearby mountain of taffeta and hugged her, tapping a shiny-painted fingernail against her nose.  
  
"Nothing to worry about now my dear, we're here to help you!"  
  
A shadow passed across her vision and Jade squeaked, another female in a black satin example of corsetry and leggings confronted her. She had one wrong eye and hair bigger then three ordinary women.  
  
"You should li-i-isten to us," she said with a sibilant hiss, "we know what's bes-s-s-st for you!"  
"I don't even know you, mm, people!" Retorted Jade as diplomatically as she could.  
"She's right," giggled Terezi, "let's get to know her better, Vri-Vri!"  
"First things first, darling Terr-Terr, she simply mus-s-s-st get out of those wet things!"  
  
Jade squealed again and hugged herself but it was no good- grasping fingers with sharp nails gripped her clothing and ripped, in an instant she was down to her conservative and very sensible underwear with a scream. The two of them circled around her, chill fingers stroking over her body to the tune of cackling and glee.  
  
"Don't feel so self-conscious," purred Vriska, for it was she, "or wonder where your clothes went, they're not... coming back... anyway!"  
"My sister here is monstrous," added Terezi, "but relax 'cause all that she meant, is we'll take such good care of you okay?"  
"I'm frightened of the darkness," quailed Jade, "and I cannot stand this torment, so it makes no difference really what you say!"  
  
Vriska cackled and found a tambourine to beat, while Terezi managed to get hold of a full size bass guitar from somewhere, as the two of them began to sing to one another.  
  
 _Don't worry 'bout my sister, a lovely girl called Vriska  
she's just going to help me measure you!  
You just can't hide from her, you're the fly and she's a spider  
just wait 'cause you'll be thanking us real soon!  
  
If things get a little crazy, just listen to Terezi,  
deep down she is a sweetheart, after all.  
She'll show you how to dress right, and tell you what you taste like,  
then you and me and she will have a ball!_  
  
Terezi responded with a kicking slap bass solo, and Vriska danced gleefully around Jade trailing a long wrap of some diaphanous material. She felt distinctly constricted, and skilful fingers were working open the snaps and buttons of her undergarments.  
  
Jade shrieked as the jingles of a tambourine snaked down her bare spine, and felt the thrum of a bass trill wonderfully up and down her body. The two of them were everywhere, and suddenly she was on he back in a pile of feathers and cloth but more importantly she had no idea how the others had become so very naked just like her or why it felt so perfectly delicious when they pressed up tight against her. She cried out to them.  
  
 _Don't think that I'm approving all these awful things you're doing,  
excuse me if it's just a little much!  
I don't know how you do it, but when I feel your tongue lick  
I want it on the places John won't touch!  
  
Wrap me up in rubber, I wanna be a latex lover!  
why not add some diamonds or some pearls?  
A collar nice and tight, a chain or two sounds right,  
show me what it's like with just the girls!_  
  
They fell on her with lips and fingers, tongues and fingernails, Jade arched her back and cried out in sheer delight. The sound of high pitched cackling and giggles rent the air, soon to be joined by the peculiar squeak of thick rubber-on-rubber.  
  
John woke up slowly, his head was buzzing. Whatever he had taken had done a number on him for sure. In the moments of disorientation following awakening he looked around him, everything was soft and fuzzy. He found his glasses just under his hand but for a moment he thought they weren’t going to help until he realised that he was surrounded by soft sheets of muslin that picked up on the low blue light in the room. He was in a bed, an old fashioned four-poster by the look of it. The drapery shifted and hissed softly in a low breeze, revealing and hiding flashes and details of the room beyond. He was under a thick, comforting blanket but a quick inspection revealed that he was wearing nothing but his cotton briefs and, oddly, his socks. John clutched the blanket close and swallowed. He tried to calm himself down and think this through rationally. There was probably a very good reason behind all of this.  
  
John lay back and ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep calming breath. He noticed that he was staring straight up into a mirror, mounted above the bed. Classy. A shadow fell over the bedsheets, someone was moving out there. He clutched the sheet tightly to his chest and coughed softly.  
"Ahm, hello?"  
  
He was replied with a non-committal soft sound like a hum that could have meant anything. Whoever it was, they suddenly ducked away and the shadow vanished. John thought he was alone again, until he saw the blanket lump up suspiciously in between his ankles. He stifled a gasps of shock as someone crawled into the bed, between his thighs. He felt something- a warmth of breath against his crotch, he could actually feel someone breathing through the material of his underwear- they were just about on top of him. John yanked the blanket aside mightily to reveal Doctor Karkat on all fours before him with a terrifying grin and no less lipstick on then before. The man was wearing nothing but French-cut black panties and for some reason a pair of cowboy boots.  
  
"I was just checking on you," he drawled slowly, "it's alright, I'm a doctor."  
"What the hell kind of a doctor are you? And where are my clothes?"  
"Oh don't cheapen it, I left my degree in my other... pants."  
"Listen sir, I'm sure you're a quite reasonable fellow,"  
Doctor Karkat supported his chin in his hands and beamed, watching him intently. "I'm listening,"  
John found himself flushing in hot embarrassment and awkwardness. "I'm not, uhm,"  
"Go ahead, you're adorable."  
"I mean to say, ah,"  
"Don't be shy, you're very attractive.  
"I'm not- I mean this. This that is happening here, this isn't me! I'm flattered I really am! But I'd very much like you to leave now. Please."  
  
Doctor Karkat looked at him with a slow, wry grin spreading all over his lusciously crimson lips. Lusciously? John shook his head and tried to push the man away with a pitiful whine. The good doctor rolled backward and turned, grasping a bedpost in either hand and flexing his back, he looked over his shoulder at John with what could only be described as a Come Hither expression.  
  
"Oh! Do I appal you? Have I made you angry?" He asked with a pout, "are you going to _strike_ me?"  
"No! I mean, No! Listen I'm grateful for taking us in out of the rain and... everything... but what's it going to take for you to just go away right now?"  
"You really want to know?" Karkat did something with his hips that made his rump wriggle and John found himself abstractly wondering if perhaps Jade would try that one day.  
"Yes! I just want it to be over!"  
"I'll leave you in peace then. Entirely unmolested. But, you have to do just one tiny, teeny little thing for me first."  
"What is it?"  
"Do you promise? Do you promise me super double cross your heart and hope to die?"  
"Doctor, I remind you I am a married man! What is it you even want from me?"  
"Allow me to," the doctor paused to lick his lips, a long slow procedure, "explain. Hit it!"  
  
The lights dimmed on cue, then suddenly blazed red and bright. John was blinded for a moment, and Karkat slapped his hands against the bedposts and stuck out his rear, stretching his undies taut.  
  
 _Don't judge me quite so harshly, or take me for a fool!  
I'm going to teach you something I didn't learn in Doctor school!  
'Cause I think you've made a big mistake and judged this book just by the cover,  
You assumed and made an ass of me, but I'd make a perfect lover!_  
  
John cringed back and clutched at the sheets, but he couldn't understand what was happening to him, his underwear was suddenly constrictive and uncomfortable, he was sporting a raging erection and he couldn't understand it.  
  
 _Now you don't have to do the wild thing, I won't tell you what to do.  
If you want to play it cool that's fine, I'm just as good as you.  
I can see you're getting into it now, you don't have to treat me cold.  
I got the body of a sergeant-major, with an ass like a twelve year old!_  
  
John moaned as the doctor drew his fingernails over his butt leaving tiny dimpled trails. Against his own will he found himself leaning closer, just desperate for a touch.  
  
 _I know just what you're thinking now, but don't you play around!  
It's just not fair for you to build me up, if you're not gonna spank me down!  
I don't want you to get scared now, if I make a little noise!  
Just go ahead and hit me- 'cause it's better with just the boys!_  
  
Against all his better judgement John found himself getting up on his knees and raising his hand slowly. The doctor replied with a delighted hiss and crouched down, raising his ass up invitingly in those minuscule panties.  
  
 _You can go ahead and smack my ass, you know that I've been bad.  
It isn't taking advantage, when it makes us both feel glad!  
You can have anything you want now, just take all that you dare.  
Spank my ass and make me scream, you can be my daddy bear!_  
  
John smacked him, wrapped arms around him and pulled him back, laid the doctor over his lap and laid down the law on his blushing backside, all to the fantastic glam rock guitar solo.  
  
Hidden away in the back rooms of the mansion, Captor was lurking in his den. Old fashioned television sets with flickering blue-black screens surrounded him, he saw into every nook and cranny of the place. Even if he hadn't cared for his employer in the way that he did, he would have done it anyway because he was just like that.  
  
He stretched a hand out to touch one particular screen, drawing pale fingertips over a fuzzy image. The doctor was being disciplined most thoroughly by the newcomer. The doctor could never resist new things, even if he had to make them himself.  
  
"It'll only end in dithathter," he breathed sorrowfully, "mark my wordth."  
  
He touched a control and the image froze, the doctor's face forever contorted in a rictus of delight, flickering back and forth. he hugged his thin arms around himself and rocked back and forth slowly, humming to himself for a moment. He span in his enormous leather armchair and got up, the room was lit by nothing more then a few hundred candles. He began to sing in a quavering, rising voice, far softer and purer and clearer then his hunched filthy apearance would have ever suggested.  
  
 _I know I'm jutht a fool for you, I never wanted more.  
If I'm jutht a tool for you, that's all that I'll live for.  
I'm jutht a dog on a leash for you, wrapped around your writht.  
Oh it'th hard to thay I love you with a lithp!_  
  
He threw open the dramatic French windows and was consumed by billowing drapes as the wind rushed in and rain drenched him, he threw his arms out to the sky.  
  
 _You'll never even thee me, you'll never even thay,  
you'll never take a chanthe on me or give me time of day.  
It'th hard to be tho very alone, unwated and unkiththed-  
It'th tho hard to thay I love you with a lithp!_  
  
He danced across the rooftop, nimble feet finding easy purchase even on rain slicked tiled and awkward crenellations.  
  
 _The thtarth above can hear me, the wind callth out your name.  
I know you think I'm thpiffing, but it'th really not the thame.  
If I could jutht exthplain mythelf, I wouldn't get tho piththed!  
But it'th hard- tho very hard- to thay I love you with a lithp......_


End file.
